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Video: Twas the night before Christmas in the crumbling ocean state

    • santa
      Santa

  • Twas the night before Christmas in the crumbling ocean state,
  • Where every driver, on every road is now running late. Good thing old Santa travels by sled, because closed RI bridges cause nothing but dread.
  • When up on my roof there arose such a clatter,
  • I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
  • A large object had landed with a giant thud, in the moonlight it looked
  • the big blue bug.
  • As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
  • There was a heavy smell of weed and a coughing sound.
  • Santa stopped by slater and held a pipe in his teeth,
  • And the pot smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
  • I said is that you Santa? “I exclaimed with glee,
  • Who did you think it was Juan” said Santa,”Cranston PD?
  • “Mrs claus is a big fan, she thinks you are great. For Christmas here is your low numbered license plate.”
  • “We watch your live-stream “he quipped“from Santa’s workshop,”whether at a crime scene, armed stand off or riding with a cop.
  • What is it with this state? he said with eyes churning.
  • “I just left block island and it looks like it is still burning. “
  • Old st Nick scowled as he started to vent about the 4-0-1,
  • “When going to Pawtucket now, the reindeer need a gun.”
  • “This state seems underwater, bridges are a mess,”the illegals all want greencards as you might guess.”
  • Not easy flying over the ocean state in the sky,
  • Rudolph got hit with a rock near the aci,
  • Santa seemed tired, but definitely not lazy, he said a few of the elves
  • had stopped off earlier at the Foxy lady.
  • He explained the naughty list for those who run amuck, “nothing for belichik this Christmas, the patriots suck.”
  • Santa shakes his head when asked about RI, “hard to believe how many of them lie.”
  • Matos sent fake santa letters to try and get more gifts, when they elves questioned her about it, the Lt gov took the 5th.
  • Santa visited Governor McKee, already in his robe, asking again this year to get rid of that fbi probe.
  • McKee was surprised to see Santa and so was his brother,
  • Santa Claus said “ relax Boys, play cards with your mother.”
  • Officer Dolan asked if the elves would strip search him tonight . Santa said you belong in jail with Senator Josh miller for life.
  • The drunken wedding guests fighting in Newport were on the naughty list, no booze for them this Christmas and the bride and groom were pissed.
  • , blm said we love Santa it’s Christmas we choose, like Palestine protesters because Christmas is not for the jews.
  • Some of the requests he receives seem so silly, “why all these requests for vegan cheese from Philly?”
  • Matt Reilly asked “Santa anything for me in that sack?” ” not this year pal said Santa,”no stockings filled with crack.”
  • The Homeless said “Santa we want free homes for all,” Santa said “I brought them job applications to work at the mall.”
  • Santa called out Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Vixen and Prancer . We will let Juan rest because he had cancer.
  • And I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight—
  • “Stay off 195, those by- lanes are too tight.
  • Merry Christmas Juan and all.
  • written by John DePetro