Twas the night before Christmas 2019


Twas the night before Christmas in the Ocean State, Santa was nervous running slightly late.

 Santa was feeling sluggish and a wee bit hazy, wishing elves had not stopped at the Foxy lady. 

In Providence old Santa was not well received,  crime rate is down but kids still can’t read. 

Kat Kerwin appeared and vandalized his sled,  threw rocks at poor Rudolph and threw paint that was red. 

“We don’t want your white privilege” they said with a squeal,”all we want for Christmas is Green new deal.’ 

The Progressives hated Christmas, they hated it all. They hated Santa and Trump and talk of the wall.

At the state house Santa could not believe his eyes, a fake Christmas tree with cards made out to “youse guys.”

It was a Raimondo fake tree and looked rather odd, while he noticed the smell of weed and eggnog. 

While Raimondo whispered to Santa for all to see, he said,” no no Gina, no deal for IGT.”

The Speaker was nervous and throwing a fit, “why the hell did youse guys hire fat liar Jeff Britt?” 

“I didn’t know he was crooked,” said Speaker to Saint Nick. ” I knew he was sleazy but thought sleazy slick.”

In Providence illegals were coming from near and far, for a chance of a photo with Baby Omar. 

The Mayor demanded a meeting with old Saint Nick, “why can’t elves bring their kids to Santa’s workshop when they are sick?” 

Elorza said,” Santa should be riding a bike, enough of this giant sled and reindeer in flight.

” sorry, no room.”

Linc Chafee was angry for all to see, shouting ” don’t call it Christmas, still a  holiday tree.” Would Chafee run for President again? Maybe this time get a percent of 3?

People looked forward to Christmas and  Christmas day, hoping that Santa would bring some cannabis and edibles their way. 


   Merry Christmas from John DePetro Show.