Twas the night before Christmas in Rhode Island 2017


Twas the night before Christmas in the Ocean state,

 but no food for the poor since UHIP was late.

 Although Santa was known as a jolly old soul,

 he hated the thought of the Rhode Island sleigh tolls.

The state house was busy this Christmas Eve, 

 “sex for legislation” is their pet peeve.

The Governor was making last minute fundraising calls,

  dreaming of $5 million as her campaign cash haul;

The governor had wishes for Santa this year,

 another term as Governor with a grin ear to ear;

 A new bike for Smiley or maybe even two, 

could Santa bring Assumpico a higher IQ?

The speaker was worried as he checked his list twice, 

” no Pawsox stadium unless they pay me my price!” 

Mattiello mused, ” I hope Santa don’t think I am a thug,

 and I’ll make sure of that with a handshake and hug.” 

The state senate was crowded still busy down the hall, 

dreaming of “no show” jobs for their families and all.

  Rep Tanzi announced that she felt sick, 

” an elf grabbed my ass when I visited Saint Nick!”

  Christmas Eve on Smith hill where the parties run late,

  with money to be made in the “I know a guy” state;

where power is seen in a low numbered plate,

and pensions are granted if you get thru the gate.

Montanaro was giddy and ready to collect,

with one wish for Santa of “leave to protect;”

Carnevale wants a new shirt and maybe some hair,

 but remember his words ” there is no story here.”

Gorbea was excited and seem to be gloating, 

she asked Santa for ballots and illegal voting;

Nellie was ready, to deck the halls,

  “emergency voting”  in Pawtucket and Central Falls.

The progressives hated Christmas they hated it all, 

they hated Santa and trump and his talk of his wall.

 State police were apologetic and filled with dread,

 they shot a reindeer thought to be stealing a sled.

” sorry, no room.”

Linc Chafee was angry for all to see,

 yelling “it’s still not Christmas, it’s a holiday tree!” 

Chafee wanted a car, one that was electric, 

and Gump asked Santa if the state could go metric.

 It was Christmas in Providence with plenty of need,

 so they robbed the giving meters to buy monkey weed;

Olneyville was ready for a big Christmas ball,

 dreaming of green cards, EBT cards, licenses for all; 

 Mayor Elorza was worried about old saint Nick, 

charging “time and a half” with North Pole union tricks;

 Kennedy plaza was packed on Christmas Eve day, 

with panhandlers and junkies causing delay;

The homeless were ready for holiday cheer, at the

 “Superman” building they pissed and drank beer.

 Senator Whitehouse was worried with Christmas to be,

 perhaps his last December in the swamp in DC?

Could Sheldons time in the Senate be just a mere sub, 

would he end up working at Baileys beach club?

 The Pawsox wrote Santa “we needed cash on our tree, 

to build a stadium in Pawtucket where Apex use to be.”

 Benny’s closed shop and decided to screw,

 leaving the state with millions around $72. 

 National grid has been naughty but still want their pay,

 but people in Rhody say “no effing way.”

Pat Morgan was happy that Christmas had come,

 while she dreams of a win over Cranston Mayor Fung.

 Mayor Fung had a question with a twinkle in his eye, 

” where in Providence are those cranes in the sky?” 

May this joyous season bring you peace,

 knowing Gordon Fox is on work release.

And when you hear those Christmas bells,

 just smile thinking of Gallison in his prison cell.

What will happen in 2018 we just don’t know, 

Merry Christmas to all from the John DePetro show.